We went to the hospital on Monday and C had to take a pill to start the birth process…. She didn’t want to for a moment. It was like giving up hope – and yet there is no heart beat…

I find my faith battered into temporary submission re healing. I’m tired. I’ve had enough now. Jairus was raised from the dead but somehow the thought of going there, believing again for that is so difficult right now… Arghh… Is this what ‘little faith’ means!

Anyway – from being ready – me nervous – about going into hospital on Monday afternoon for induced delivery we were told to go home and come back on Wednesday…

I am becoming an advocate for the ‘Man goes to pub’ whilst ‘Woman gives birth with other women around’ philosophy. Even more so in these circumstances but, well I need to be there and will be of course.

Christiane is in pieces on and off… we both sat at the breakfast table and I said ‘He’s left us…’ Indeed his spirit has, I can feel it. Christiane can feel it too. A lyric to come perhaps, I got part fo a song about this today.

So I’m school run king and trying to sort out funeral details etc… doesn’t help standing for miraculous healing when I have to sort out the pragmatic details!!!

Once upon a time all I had to do was go and judge a Reality TV show on a Saturday or Sunday where people were learning to skate… What happened?

Bottled Tears lyric here…IF I COULD BOTTLE MY TEARS

Love n



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