I’ve just read a UCB Word For the Day.  I relate it in my mind to our Reality TV Judging set up that I have been part of.

I think it sums up what I got to feeling; an unease at the lifting up of the baddy, the knocker, the clever side swipe of an expression that rips away self-worth. ‘It’s just a bit of fun of course,’ I would at first justify to myself. But that is not true. I have seen people ‘Play the game’ and be strong enough to not be hurt but I have seen people damaged by the scofffers. I am glad not to be facing that particualr scenario, as a judge, right now. My head is freer and my soul lighter.

I think ‘Loyalty to the absent’ – as Stephen Covey in the Seven Habits of Effective People puts it is brilliant. I ‘try’ to live by it. Basically it stops gossip. If you have something to say about someone then say it to them – don’t go and tell someone else what you think about the other person. I knew a PA for TV who NEVER said a bad word about people. If you can’t say something good don’t say it is what I was taught.

So why then do we NEED the nasty, bitchy, gossippy comments?  Why are we sucked in to reacting to them? Why does the Sports website of BBC have GOSSIP as a side heading? The word’s true meaning has got lost. It is not news it is tittle tattle.

Why do we enjoy seeing people humiliated? I don’t actually, but it is good for ratings ‘apparently’ so that would add value to the Producers? I was refreshed a while back to watch BBC’s Choir of the Year where the judges all gave POSITIVE critique and praised the performances whilst not appearing to be pushovers. Perhaps that is a ‘Middle England’ market. Would that be ‘Old Fashioned’ or just a minority against the big rating celebrity shows?

Anyway these were some of the UCB Words for Today that prompted my thinking and discourse…

A good mentor will affirm in public, and correct in private. Your goal should be to help, not hurt. When you rebuke someone in public you humiliate them, destroying their self-esteem. But when you affirm them in public you build their self-esteem, confidence and incentive. Of course, your praise should be genuine, not just empty words. By affirming sincerely and publicly, you plant the seeds of growth and greatness in the learner. 

…In his book Mentoring: The Strategy of the Master, Ron Lee Davis writes, ‘My father was that kind of mentor, both in his own family and in the church he pastored for twenty-five years. Many times I heard him say, “The individual is always more important than the issue.”‘ He lived this principle daily and he built it into my life. © UCB 2011

As a judge I ‘eventually’ reached the place where it was not about me at all – how you look, what you say, etc etc… but about the skaters. How can I: (1) accurately reflect how well you did relative to everyone else and (2) help and encourage you ‘as a couple’ or celeb to get better. The bar afterwards was a place to put matters straight or try to help more. Sometimes I got attacked and sideswipe comments for these stances – it would be gossipping to comment on what I thought of those attacks without addressing them directly to the people involved. So I will not share here…

Food for thought for me, and perhaps you too?

Love N

Photo is of beautiful Snape in Suffolk – the statues there – a different view of life perhaps.

  • tease-and-stocking

  • tease-and-denial

  • sissification

  • my-princess-goddess

  • mesmerize

  • jerkoff-instruction

  • humiliation

  • handjob

  • foot-fetish

  • female-domination

  • dirty-talk

  • cum-eating-instruction

  • chastity

  • ass-worship