It’s a funny time right now, my emotions are exposed after loosing Jon Freddy this week and life carries on. A party for Benjamin this afternoon, I went as C is not quite up to it yet.

Last night Christiane invited me to watch Cool Runnings on the iPlayer. Click picture below to see – watch if you haven’t – it’s great fun and I find it inspiring and fun. It is loosely based on the Jamaican Bobsleigh Team’s entry to the 1988 Calgary Olympics.


Cool Runnings

Back in Sarajevo in 1984 I went down the bobsleigh run with: Tom Del La Hunty driving, me in seat two, Christopher Dean in three and Alistair Kennedy Rose as the brakeman.You can click the image below to see this on YouTube. I had a difficult time at the two Olympics I entered. I did not know how to do social, did not recognise it was an achievement to get there and my ultimate goal was to win. I knew Robin would win the firsta dn Chris and jayne the second, it wasn’t our time yet. We finished 12th in 1980 in Lake Placid, and there were only 12 in it! Our World ranking was around 12th. But we were last! Not the best. In Sarajevo, with a top five in the world ranking we dropped a place to 6th. Another major downer for me. In Ice Dancing, if you drop a place, you might as well get the coffin out and jump into it! Personal stuff was also pretty bad then.

So it may not be a surprise that the badge I was given from one of the Bristiah Bobsleigh Team has been one of my most favoured possessions from the two Olympics I competed in and indeed my entire skating career.

Nicky and Chris Bobsleigh

In Cool Runnings there is a place where the coach character, who has cheated in the past, is challenged by one of his charges as to why he did this? His character had won two gold medals beforehand and was caught with weights in the front of the sled at his third attempt at gold. Anything to win.

In true Disneyesque style you could say the following is trite and contrived. Funny how for me though, at this time, it lands strongly.

“If you are not enough without a gold medal, you will never be enough with a gold medal.” is the summation of the coach’s explanation of why he let himself and everybody down. I.E. if you don’t win the gold you are worthless. Your self worth is vested in you winning.

But for me you see, if I didn’t win I really wasn’t enough, and that’s how it’s been all my life. Until I had won the World Championship I hadn’t finished. I stopped competing before winning that gold, so I was a failure.

I have no memorabilia up anywhere. No medals. Why? Well because I didn’t win. Christiane gently lent over and said “You are enough,” this evening. My son asks me, “Daddy did you get a medal at the Olympics?”  Yes I say, you get a medal for going and other medals for first, second, third. I have never valued the ‘turning up medal’ before. But, as I seek to inspire my son and teach him in how to go for things in life and show kindness, courage and respect and as I show him a video of his Daddy going down the Olympic course and then we watch Cool Runnings together I see things differently. I will put my Olympic medals and certificates up somewhere, where he can see them. My son teaches me that these are an achievement, to represent your country in something is that. Jon Freddy has taught me and Tiger does too.

I didn’t win Olympic Gold but – for the record – I am enough.

And I’m not finished yet… The road I am embarked upon is one of trying to bring something special for the world through being an artist with music and film merging my different talents to do something of value. I still want to win… The difference I think is that slowly, I am understanding that whether I win gold or not, whatever that is – and a definition is needed, I am enough. The truth of the matter is We all are… We are all enough…

Who needs a shrink when you have the iPlayer, YouTube, have been studying scripture intensely, have lost a beautiful son in the week combined with the Jamaican Bobsleigh team and Disney scriptwriters…? Discuss…



  • tease-and-stocking

  • tease-and-denial

  • sissification

  • my-princess-goddess

  • mesmerize

  • jerkoff-instruction

  • humiliation

  • handjob

  • foot-fetish

  • female-domination

  • dirty-talk

  • cum-eating-instruction

  • chastity

  • ass-worship