For Valentine’s Day Christiane gave me a lovely card and two videos. The videos are : A Good Year  and Invitus. The first is based on the novel ‘A Year In Provence’ stars Russell Crowe and inspired the lyric below – IT’S ALL ABOUT TIME I find myself valuing every moment I have with my family ‘right now’ rather than looking to a better time someday, one-day.

I am writing all the time, lyrics, songs and book ideas flowing. In the last week I have created three songs and another three lyrics. I awoke with WHY DID YOU GO on my mind this morning 5am.  It is a haunting, soaring powerful ballad I love and is growing. Last night I was working on harmonies and feeling how the song can grow – lovely.

I have a challenge with one particular fellow who does not want me to use my computer and presentation software for something – WHY CAN’T YOU DO IT MY WAY, as a complete song came from this ‘discussion’ as his point of view on Friday . It is great fun and he is right, but SO AM I! Inspiration everywhere.

We watched our second video Invictus last night – it is a story centred around Nelson Mandela and the South African Rugby Team winning the World Cup. To me it was really about forgiveness, commitment and doing what the majority thought impossible. Perhaps my emotions are a little exposed because I find my tears, held back by still having to organise things and be strong, well up watching the movie. As I watch the South African Team play against the All Blacks on the film I think of Kyran Bracken – England’s Rugby Captain I had the fun and joy of working out with on Dancing On Ice Tour – ‘I bet he has a different perspective on this?’ I say to Christiane. After spending time with him. I do too…

Christiane has bought COOL RUNNINGS, the film, for us too – Tiger loves it and I am coaching him into not saying some of the words included! It is a fabulous film, adaptation of the Jamaican Bobsleigh Team’s pursuit of gold at Calgary Winter Olympics, again my tears flow (wus?) Lots of stuff re: Olympics time still coming up and out for me. My son goes into his bedroom and brings me back a small battered dirty silver cup and presents it to me. It is The Gravely Trophy that I won for ice dancing, probably when I was twelve. I can’t remember how he got it. ‘Can I clean it for you Daddy?’ he asks as he presents it to me.

And then I watch this video embedded above (Christiane had told me about it) this morning featuring Conner and Cayden, and again, as if I need reminding, I see ALL LIFE IS PRECIOUS and that our stand for Jon Freddy’s life was so right.

I said to Christiane yesterday morning, “In one way we have been spared having to look after a child that could have had severe disabilities, but, we just would have done that and loved him anyway,” my immediate response to myself.

We are taking Tiger to see his brother’s casket today (he has asked to see it) and sorting crematorium for Friday on the road to burying Jon Freddy’s ashes under a tree in March.

I sometimes shout inside… and outside…. ‘Enough Now’ can we move on? But, the process of grieving and helping Christiane and Tiger and our many friends to grieve too (and me…) is needed…

Here’s to a great week.

Love N




Leave a reply


  • tease-and-stocking

  • tease-and-denial

  • sissification

  • my-princess-goddess

  • mesmerize

  • jerkoff-instruction

  • humiliation

  • handjob

  • foot-fetish

  • female-domination

  • dirty-talk

  • cum-eating-instruction

  • chastity

  • ass-worship