My my – as the World seems to be in turmoil everywhere – Japan facing Nuclear meltdown, Libya and Bahrain and others we don’t know about in upheaval. Sringent measures back here in Britain with people facing job loses my Apple shares being pummelled by market reaction to late iPad release in Japan. A friend saying his pension fund lost 6% on Friday… Impacts on so many of us. I don’t quite know how to feel as ‘Life Goes On.’ People are starving, fighting for their freedom and I… have been stressed out about what I am trying to do.

Today I find myself checking out a nursery Montessori school for my son this morning after having been up at four am writing a lyric, aptly named Four o’clock in the morning. I’ve had a rubbish three days in terms of actual time learning this week. Today I was learning piano extensions to chord shapes and nearly falling asleep at the keyboard.

I have been being stressed out by the opportunities coming my way and the challenge of taking time off to simply be learning when my being screams to be out there making money for my family – and I don’t have to be doing that right now… We have agreed I don’t. But money out without money coming in, even if you can do it, is scary for me, if I let it be.

To care for everyone and everybody seems so overwhelming and I wonder if maybe my brain closes down and I concentrate on me and my family! Selfish. Head down – ‘Not my problem.’ Praying for the wider World and asking God – who has more resources than me –  to intervene – yes I can and do do that… But what else?

Then I got distracted, new apps for the Mac to help me be more organised eating my time again and fanneyed about looking at templates for documents. One had layers. Perhaps that’s part of it? Layers of life and learning – a song line?

I had almost forgotten what was the original vision I was pursuing as I panicked not being able to drill down a robust Business Plan. We can talk in ‘Initial Concepts’ said my high powered cosultancy friend who structures top 400 companies worldwide when I called and explained where I was up to. Oh.. brilliant, so I’m not a complete dork after all. I have all that Concept stuff, vision, mission, strategy, tactics etc…

So what is the core of what I am doing? This being the key, the essence of daring to invest time and money?  Well – (1) for me to be out there being entertainer and giving people great entertainment is one facet but the extra layer to what I have done in the past is (2) to be performing songs I have created. If I read my Journey page I would have remembered! Duh… Funny how things can get clouded.

Focusing on the layer of  learning exploring and developing skill in the various facets of songwriting is valid then? Of course. This is what I am doing. To learn to play piano is to give me a way of coming at songwriting. Composing on piano being a differnt angle to guitar or voice. So the Layers of Learning include gutar, voice, piano, songwriting and how to market and publish. All are necessary. Big job, or so it seems to me. What’s the output? A beautiful song that means something to someone – you? Bit airey fairy Slater. But also a thing of beauty to craft and deliver….. and the money side of that …the commercialisation of art / performance… the show… Maybe thinking of the commercial is ‘Cart before Horse?’ If you have a fast racehorse he can win, if you have a great song?… When I watched ice dancers come on the scene in times of old when I competed I could see who would be World Champions. They had put the work in before they came onto the stage of European or World Championships. Perhaps that is part of what drives me, what drives the performer who wants to be the best they can be. Those hours alone working and practising? I think I am like the sixteen year old with Garageband and a dream to write great songs in many ways. I just have a few more years, a few more bills to pay and a few more life stories to draw on.

How to be on the journey? To not give up. Not give in to the Demons of Doubt, the tiredness and the distractions. Ahhh… I’m learning how to keep going and my reflective self indulgent writing will be my diary at years end. Christiane is amazing in this supporting me. I can see though that it can be a burden when I wobble. I would like to get to a place of being at peace with what I’m doing and working flat out enjoying the journey… Something to aim for.

Christiane heard some of the chord extensions I have been introduced to today a 1-5 1-3-5 proressin in the left hand that runs beautifully.  I slowly played them, my hands not wanting to do contrary motion that provides the richness, and she said, ‘Poignant, beautiful.’ I played some 12 bar blues in E with more ummph and fun and she said ‘Sounds a bit like Elton John!’

A little bit of encouragement t0 how great to receive it… You think you’re not getting there and yet skills are developing. Keep going. Let’s all keep going with our dreams – if we don’t we’ll be in the space of Could have Been. Another song title…

Love Nicky

PS I apologise for going on and on and on. Christiane says i should be brief. It’s my processing of what’s happening and my diary. Of course you don’t have to read so why should I be apologising!

1 Comment to “LAYERS OF LEARNING…”

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