SEARCHING & STRUCTURE

Christiane and Tiger back today – brilliant. A great picture C captured whilst we on a cruise last year above. I like the title SEARCHING.

Didn’t sleep well last night and have found the last few days unstructured, and a mix of freedom and then missing our normal routine. It means I can get distracted and/or keep on going with no 6.30 am call to expect.

I’ve read loads, watched loads – last night Steve Winwood documentary and Rock n Roll history. Brilliant and adding to my understanding of music. A bit daunting too. If I stood in front of some of the big boys of music and said what I’m trying would they laugh. Perhaps not. They’ve all been through a time of experimenting and learning. Recreation drugs helped – I think mine’s wine…! Traffic took a year out in a house in the country to explore and create. I’m taking a year out too…

After encouraging my friend Adrian to put down ‘What he had accomplished in his business,’ over the past year on Monday evening I found myself putting together a rosta of what I’d been involved in show wise over my life yesterday afternoon. As you do when you can go off on one! You can see it the ABOUT page. I also added a support page to the menu bar to start to show who supports me and I have helped. I forget once it’s done so it’s interesting to see the shape of things I’ve been involved in on both fronts.

And as I read about Dudley Moore (it’s a huge book) and watch and learn about entertainment more and more I see that this is the place my heart lies – Show Business. I think I have always known but not had the courage to pursue it, because it seemed a bit daunting and the I wasn’t ready to deal with the knockbacks. I didn’t know how the business worked and whilst you may have talent – if you don’t know how to go and ‘compete’ to get work it can seem daunting and you go and get a proper job – or wallow around finding worth in ‘The Project of the Moment’ as I have. Five years on this, five years on that etc.. The project providing some form of self worth always searching for something.

And yet I have performed in and promoted and produced what some may classify as fairly big events – arena/TV productions, national fundraisers, national tv etc.. So I have done something… Just not enough and not consistently focused. Yet.

In my ‘Mid Life ongoing crisis / rebirth” I think (hope) I’m getting a bit more grounded as I learn and see what others do and what I can do. I can communicate and entertain I see I’ve done it over the years in a variety of guises. In that space I have value to give. Some people hate the limelight. I am at home there and can create shows, brands and front them. So do it then Slater… Ok ok… getting on – although I want to go and have a coffee looking over the marina but will not… and there’s a win.

Anyway – distractions of blogs taking away from practise time. Dudley Moore took a year off and practised and nothing came from it! Something will come from mine. I Hope!!! Difficult to be self motivated without any framework, structure. It’s winning in these times that takes self discipline… I’m reminded about Brighton times of not knowing which way to go proerly that lasted for quite a while. Different now – I have a family to support and things becomming clearer as I search and learn. Come on now Slater… practise makes perfect – get on.

Oh, ok ok finally… Final Cut Pro automatically rendered some footage when I left it alone. Wow. Came back and I can now edit a liitle practise video. Technology working again. “Marvelous,” as Andy Peters would say.

Have a great day.

Love

N

Leave a reply

*

  • tease-and-stocking

  • tease-and-denial


  • sissification

  • my-princess-goddess

  • mesmerize

  • jerkoff-instruction


  • humiliation

  • handjob


  • foot-fetish

  • female-domination

  • dirty-talk

  • cum-eating-instruction

  • chastity

  • ass-worship